I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
