Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize