if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
