you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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