When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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