I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
