I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
