Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
