Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
