he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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