He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
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