yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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