I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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