when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
