I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
