He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
