He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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