I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
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