Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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