your parents love me but you hate me
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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