He had one of those small greek statue penises
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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