You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
