i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
