She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
