I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
