apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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