my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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