dude i'm inner monologue high
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
