I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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