she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
