I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
