just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
