Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
