We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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