I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just forgot I was standing up.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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