Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Panties = found
Randomize
