STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
