i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
she looked like the before picture.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
