Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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