No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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