It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
