I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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