My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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