I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
