god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
