How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
did you just send me my own nude
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
