when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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