Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
