And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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