Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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