she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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