Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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