There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
