I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
