hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
