I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Buhtt sex?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
