i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
