The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
