please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
