I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize