I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
