I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize