I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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