his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
