so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize