i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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