whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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