she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize