lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Do vagina's smell?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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