"it" just moved
zippers are such a cool invention
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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