Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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