He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize