does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
