Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
