i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
