You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
