So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
