you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize